Sometimes in the night or in the day,
during times of illness and pain, too little money,
on dark streets with enemies in the shadows,
with family and friends scattered,
struggling with a variety of hard challenges,
I feel so alone, so afraid, so very vulnerable.
Then and then again I wonder:
Trust - why is it so elusive?
Always beckoning but
just as I reach out my mind, my hand,
it escapes my grasp.
What is it? Trust -
In whom, in what, where?
Who are You? Who am I?
Then, suddenly, in the heaviness of my trial,
comes an opening, a light in the darkness,
and I reach, not with my mind or my hand,
but with my heart. Then I feel You
here with me, lifting me, carrying me.
I feel protected, comforted, warm.
Finally, I understand that trust is between You and me.
Not that all will be what I want. No, it may not be so.
Now I trust You, only You. I know that You love me
and will give me good, give me what I need
to grow close to You, to do Your will,
to trust You in darkness, in challenge, in trial.
I trust You, You, not a person, not a thing,
You, HaKadosh Baruch Hu, my Creator, my Father, my King,
my Sustainer, my Redeemer, Giver of whatever I need.
And, I. I am Your beloved child, Your servant.
But, sometimes, I don't know, I forget who You are
and, then, I am frightened and don't know where to turn
or whom to turn to for salvation.
Sometimes, it takes long and I struggle to find You.
Until, suddenly, there You are in my heart and I remember
again who You are and who I am and I am comforted.
Now, finally, I understand that trust is a lifelong process,
a struggle, a challenge, that is good as You are Good.
Thank You for the learning, for the growth, for the trust.
Thank You, Hashem.